When I went on maternity leave, I had serious plans for my blog. I love writing, photography and the creative side of blogging and it's great being able to make a bit of extra money on the side too. It's a hobby, but I've always felt there's so much more potential in me/my blog and for a while, I've wanted to take it to the next level. Maternity leave was the perfect opportunity, I thought.
I'm almost 5 months into maternity leave and although I'm proud of how I've grown my blog in this time, I never feel like it's enough. There's always more time I could have worked on something, more effort I could have put in. I find myself feeling guilty for not devoting all my time to it, yet I also feel guilty for not giving 100% of that time to Oliver.
Maternity leave is supposed to be about spending time with your baby, isn't it?
If I ask my mum to watch Oliver so I can take photos for my blog, or ask Andy to take him a walk so I can write a new post, I feel guilty because I think that time should be spent with Oliver. I should put my computer away and play with my baby. I have an almost daily argument with myself about whether I'm right to feel guilty for not giving every minute of my time to him.
Ultimately, my dream is to work from home. To make a regular income from blogging that would allow me to work for myself, while being at home and there for Oliver. Working a few hours in the evening or during his naps, rather than going back to working long days and missing out on his early years. I don't want to leave in the morning and come home when he's in bed. My dream is to have the job that allows me to spend more time with my son, but the only way I can get that is by giving up special moments with him now. It's a catch 22.
I recognise that I'm feeling the 'mum guilt' that everyone talks about and that I'll probably feel it no matter what I do. I can't be the perfect mum, the perfect girlfriend, have a perfectly clean home and build a business all at once. I know that I somehow need to find a balance between working for the future and living in the moment. It's a difficult task but I suppose it's one of many that come with being a mother and having a little person depending on your every move.
Do any of you struggle to get the work/life balance right?